Working with someone U don't like

What to Do When You Have to Work with Someone You Don't Like

by Peter Bregman  |  12:00 PM September 12, 2012

This is the reality. Sometimes and somewhere you will face this reality check in every phase of your life. So let's read how to reduce the stress and try to apply it :  

Just think about how you respond differently to someone you like who can't run a meeting (you want to help them) versus someone you don't like (you want to stop working with them, or, if the meeting is really long, kill them).

The typical advice you hear about working with people you don't like is simply to depersonalize the relationship. Just transact whatever business you need to with them and move on. In other words: Grin and bear it.

But I have found that almost impossible to do.The people we don't like drive us crazy and we waste a tremendous amount of time complaining about them, or stressing about a conversation we need to have with them.

And that's not the worst of it. The deeper problem is that if you don't like someone, chances are they know it. Which will prompt them to not like you. And if you think working with someone you don't like is hard, try working with someone who doesn't like you.

 working with people you don't like becomes a lot more interesting. Because getting to know them better, and accepting the parts of them you don't like, is actually getting to know yourself better and accepting the parts of yourself you don't like.

So the way to overcome your dislike of someone else? Overcome your dislike of yourself.

That's where the person you don't like can come in handy. Use him to understand yourself better. Consider why you have a problem with him. What does he do that bothers you so much? Move past his inability to run meetings or write a good email and get to what's really bugging you. What about his personality or behavior sparks annoyance or disgust in you? What do you hate about him?

Then, consider how your answers might be a reflection of you. This is a game and you win by finding that hated behavior in yourself.

Think about times when you feel greedy or selfish or dismissive or downright mean. Can you see it? Can you feel your feelings of both attraction and disgust? Can you admit to yourself that it's not black or white? It's black and white. Can you live with the complexity of your humanness? That's the key to being compassionate with yourself.

And being compassionate with yourself is the key to being compassionate with others. Before you know it, you'll actually begin to like people you never liked before. Maybe you'll even feel like helping them run those meeting more productively.

Enjoy it. I wonder when u face the situation, it will be difficult but let's just try it.

Weaknesses : Live with it or Let it Be

Stop Worrying about Your Weaknesses

by Peter Bregman 

Tidaklah begitu mengagung-agungkan pendapat dr org bergelar 'Mat Saleh', namun adakalanya dia berpendapat menggunakan pemikiran dan pengkajiannya. Tapi jika dilihat dr tajuk di atas - adakala benar pendapatnya. Setelah bergelumang dengan dunia pekerjaan selama 10 thn dan mengenal hidup lebih 20 tahun, sy setuju dengan tajuknya. Kita dibelenggu utk terus menjadi yg terbaik - samada dengan menipu, berbohong, berhelah dan terus mengejar impian menjadi yg terbaik - adakalanya kita tersungkur, namun kita kena bangun kembali utk terus meniti perjalanan.

9 tahun yg lalu, Mike Hirst - seseorg dr British Airways dan bekerja di Loughborough Uni pernah menyatakan pendapatnya yg berbunyi  "Sometimes we have to live with our weaknesses".  

The statements in this article that caught my attention are:

We have a report card problem in our companies and it's costing us a tremendous amount of time, money, potential, and happiness. It's costing us talent.

Traditional management systems encourage mediocrity in everything and excellence in nothing. Most performance review systems set an ideal picture of how we want everyone to act (standards, competencies, etc.) and then assesses how closely people match that ideal, nudging them to improve their weaknesses so they "meet or exceed expectations" in every area.

But how will John add the most value to his organization? He's amazing with people, not spreadsheets. He'll work hardest, derive the most pleasure, and contribute his maximum potential with the greatest result if he is able to focus as much time as possible in his area of strength.

Which means taking his focus off developing the things in which he's weak. They're just a distraction.

Here's what his manager should say: "You've worked hard this year John. Your client orientation is superb. You've met your sales goals and you're a solid team player. But working on those spreadsheets isn't a good use of your time and it's not your strength. I'm going to ask David to do those for you from now on. He loves spreadsheets and is great at them. I want to spend the rest of our time talking about how you can get even better at working with your clients. That's where you shine — where you add the most value to the company — and you seem to really enjoy it."

An organization should be a platform for unique talent. A performance review system should be flexible enough to reflect and reward the successful contributions of diverse employees. Let'sencourage people to be weak in areas in which they are average — because no one can possibly be great at everything — and place all our effort on developing their strengths further.

If it's impossible to take away the part of their job in which they're weak, then help them improve just enough so that it doesn't get in the way of their strength. If you can't take the spreadsheets away from John, help him get a C and move on. That would be preferable to spending the time and effort it would take to get an A or even a B.

Want to read more, feel free to visit http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2009/05/.

C, P & S

Cut, Paste and Shared

PETER BREGMAN

Peter Bregman is a strategic advisor to CEOs and their leadership teams. His latest book is 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done.

This article title is : Two Lists You Should Look at Every Morning

The important paragraphs that were written in the article is:

Now is a good time to pause, prioritize, and focus. Make two lists:

• List 1: Your Focus List (the road ahead)

What are you trying to achieve? What makes you happy? What's important to you? Design your time around those things. Because time is your one limited resource and no matter how hard you try you can't work 25/8.

• List 2: Your Ignore List (the distractions)

To succeed in using your time wisely, you have to ask the equally important but often avoided complementary questions: 

• what are you willing not to achieve? 
• What doesn't make you happy? What's not important to you? What gets in the way?

Some people already have the first list. Very few have the second. But given how easily we get distracted and how many distractions we have these days, the second is more important than ever. The leaders who will continue to thrive in the future know the answers to these questions and each time there's a demand on their attention they ask whether it will further their focus or dilute it.

Which means you shouldn't create these lists once and then put them in a drawer. These two lists are your map for each day. Review them each morning, along with your calendar, and ask: 

• what's the plan for today? 
• Where will I spend my time? 
• How will it further my focus? 
• How might I get distracted? Then find the courage to follow through, make choices, and maybe disappoint a few people.

Sharing Article from Tech Republic

How to manage the perfectionist on your team

By Toni Bowers

April 25, 2012, 6:44 AM PDT

Takeaway: Everyone wants a quality product. But perfectionists sometimes go too far and slow things down.

When I was very young, I used to think it was clever when asked in an interview about my biggest weakness to say that I was a bit of a perfectionist. Because who wouldn’t want someone on their team who wanted to make sure everything was right?
It turns out I wouldn’t. A few years later, I was managing a small team in a start-up that was growing rapidly. Much of the early success of this young company lay in the fact that we were flexible and innovative, and that allowed us to develop and create products in record time. This is not to say that we put out shoddy products. They were pretty darn good, but we knew that, in the business we were in, timeliness of delivery was just as important as the finished product.
So I had a guy on my team, I’ll call him Biff, who was very committed to the quality of anything he worked on and was dedicated to the company as a whole. But I came to realize that every task I sent Biff’s way would come to a screeching halt as he agonized over every detail. He would pepper me with questions that were so minor to the task at hand that the answers wouldn’t affect the outcome and therefore were a waste of time to ask. Or he would present to me every conceivable (and some even inconceivable) scenario that could occur and ask how we would handle it if it happened.
His fixation on these kinds of things interfered with his process of setting priorities. His preoccupation with detail would inevitably lead to stalls in every project he was involved in. Also, he was unable to delegate because, on some level, he believed he was the only one who could do the task right.
Now I can hear all the perfectionists out there crying foul. “We need perfectionists to make sure the products or processes are the best they can be!” (For example, you would definitely look for perfectionist tendencies if you’re shopping around for a brain surgeon.) But most corporate products, especially those not being physically consumed, don’t have to be “perfect.”
And there is an issue with the definition of what constitutes “perfection.” What paralyzes the perfectionist is that they want things to be perfect, but their standards of perfection are too high to be achievable, especially in their own eyes. It’s a catch-22.
So how do you manage a perfectionist on your team?

• Appreciate what’s positive about the perfectionist. He or she may see details that you won’t.
• Be careful with feedback. I think sometimes that criticism triggers something in the heads of perfectionists that makes them dig their heels in even further.
• Don’t give them very complex, strategic tasks, especially ones that require managing others. Assign them tasks that need a fastidious eye, the more tactical the better.
• Assign deadlines. In fact, it may be the first question a perfectionist asks you upon assignment of a task because it’s one more aspect they need to get right.
• Make sure you highlight often the behavior you want to see more of.
• Help the person to see how the behavior might limit their career growth. A tendency to micromanage and an inability to see the big picture might limit leadership avenues for a perfectionist.

Life is full of ever changing possibilities. 

Something to ponder and think about

Six lines your boss should never cross

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By Toni Bowers

April 17, 2012, 10:18 AM PDT

Takeaway: A list of six ways you can tell if your boss has crossed the line of professional behavior.

The employment experts at Allison & Taylor have offered some great tips for knowing whether your boss has crossed the line of professional behavior. 

According to Allison & Taylor, your boss is crossing the line if he or she:

1. Makes references to your salary in front of other staff. This is private and confidential information, not public knowledge. Other employees don’t need to know what you’re being paid, and it’s true regardless of the type of comment that’s made. Whether the boss is saying, “I don’t pay you enough” or “I pay you too much,” this type of comment will lead to resentment among staff members. Broadcasting your earnings undermines your position with the rest of the staff. They’ll either think you’re willing to work for peanuts, ruining their chances of earning more, or think that you’re overpaid.

2. Reprimands you in front of other employees. This is a form of bullying, and it’s never acceptable. While you may have made a mistake or error that deserves discussion, a good employer will handle this professionally — and in private. A good boss should never denigrate your skills, either, with comments like, “This job is so easy, anyone could do it.”

3. Has unreasonable expectations. Managers need to communicate their expectations for work performance clearly, assist employees when needed, and set reasonable deadlines for projects. This one can be tricky… at times every employee has probably felt that he or she has been dealt an impossible task. But if you’re consistently receiving unreasonable demands, you need to speak up. It could be a communication issue; perhaps something as simple as unclear directions are bogging you down. Or it could be a case of micromanagement (in which case, you were hired because the boss felt you were qualified to do your job, and it’s fine to remind him or her to let you do it). Just be sure you address it in a courteous and nonconfrontational manner.

4. Shares too many personal details. This is a work situation, not the therapist’s couch. A good boss shouldn’t share problems or inappropriate personal details. If you find the conversation often veers in this direction, lead the way by being very brief in your responses and then change the subject back to business. And don’t bring your own problems to the office.

5. Makes inappropriate references. Any comment that makes you squirm is one that shouldn’t have been made in the office. This includes water cooler jokes, emails, or comments about your physical appearance. Include in this category any type of implication that the boss is interested in a relationship of a personal nature, even if it’s not something you’re entirely opposed to. Workplace romances are NEVER a good idea, and it’s beyond unprofessional to even make the suggestion. All these things are a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

6. Implies that sex, race, age, or religion is a factor in work performance. None of these things have anything to do with your ability to do the job you were hired to do. The suggestion that it might is not only unfair, it’s discriminatory. Address any such implication immediately.

If you find that you’re experiencing one or more of these problems with regularity, you need to speak to your boss about your discomfort. This isn’t always an easy thing to do, but it’s necessary to maintain a professional working relationship. Keep in mind that he or she may not even be aware that it is bothering you. The key is to open up a dialogue that can deal with the issues. Approach your boss in a free, calm moment, and let him or her know that you feel there are some issues that need to be addressed. Then calmly discuss the issues in an open and honest manner. And always keep in mind that having respect for yourself and your needs will allow the boss to see you’re there to do your best work. If discussing with your boss does not change things for the better, then consider going up the chain of command or to HR for help.

Toni Bowers is an award-winning writer and Head Blogs Editor for TechRepublic.  This article is from TechRepublic and the author is a lady who work with TechRepublic.