Frustation?????!!!!

In life, we use to want to have or need something that's aren't or cannot be owned. That's include myself. Sometimes, I ask and ponder in my heart.... why I do this (doing phd)...what's the benefit...monetary or knowledge.  The journey is uphill and mounting... I wonder does it really worth it at the end of my life.

Doing this journey, it is cold, demanding, frustration, blockage - u name it - all the numb feeling in the whole world. I become more stupid that I am before. The stumbling rock is blocking my vein in the head. But I have given up  that feeling, its either I let it be and still fighting or I fight and let it be.  Sometimes, there are things that needed to let go, following the course/way of life. If its meant to be, than its meant to be.